what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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