so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
