Already got asked if we're dating
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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