I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
