I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
