i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
