so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
