it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wear drunk well.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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