i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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