just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
