I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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