I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
