she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
