You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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