i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
