It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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