Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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