but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
