Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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