i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
