Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
