There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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