what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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