omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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