This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
