My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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