Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
