Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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