He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
