The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
