sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
