I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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