Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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