shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.