the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low