We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
