**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.