whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.