Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.