I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry