She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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