I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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