He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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