He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
