You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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