Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
