I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
