he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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