My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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