You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
