what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
