Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
