I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We left the knife in your bed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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