I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
