I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
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Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
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Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize