I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
