Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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