my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
