Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I forget how to act sober
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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