not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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