After last night, I could never be a politician.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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