why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
