Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
