Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I AM VODKA MAN
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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