I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm eating all of the evidence.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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