and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
