So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
