You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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