A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
