Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
my liver is dry heaving
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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