by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
