Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize