i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
