did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
