i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If I die, sorry about rent.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
