either way he was missing a nipple.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
