How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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