Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
