i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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