Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Pooping to opera.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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