Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
