we have pet lesbian snakes
My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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