I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
