she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
