Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
