I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
