he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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